Friday, May 13, 2005

risks and benefits

Q: how do you tell a female friend that you really like her without risking the friendship? not quite sex advice, but getting there.

A: it's ok that it's not a "pure" sex question;) i should have made it more clear that all questions are welcome, not just those to do with sex. who doesnt need romantic advice?!

life is short. it's worth it to ask for what you want, especially love. you might not get it... but if you DONT ask, you DEFINITELY wont get it. in this case, as long as you do it diplomatically, i believe the possible benefits far outweigh the risks.

hang out with her. have a great time. watch movies, dinner, whatever. at an appropriate moment (over dinner, or when you're ending the evening, or whenever you feel there is an opening), say something like: "hey, i want to talk to you about something. i have been thinking recently that maybe this friendship could progress to something more. what do you think? it's not a big deal, and either way i will be fine, but i just wanted to put it out there." try to be casual with your words as if its something kinda silly, and just a thought you have been pondering, so that she doesnt get too intimidated. dont express how MUCH you like her, at least not in the initial conversation. that way, if she is not interested, she can tell you so without feeling guilty about hurting your feelings, and the chances are low that the friendship will be sacrificed.

this is a common issue, and definitely a sensitive one. you do NOT want to lose a good friendship, because ultimately, when the shit hits the fan, its your friends who will be there.


Blogger Nigel Patel said...

I was the shy sensitive type guy, now the shy bitter type.
I agree with you, he should state his case. If he doesn't, his role as "friend" will be less than honest.
Can't have friendship without honesty.

9:20 PM  
Blogger lia said...

very true.

how are you the shy bitter type?

11:07 PM  
Blogger Nigel Patel said...

Resentful but quiet about it.
Trying to get over it because resentments will get me nowhere.

8:48 PM  
Anonymous misterniceguy1960 said...

Ask. Go ahead and ask.

Frankly, if your making a pass and her turning you down cause a change in your feelings or in hers, it was a shaky relationship to begin with.

7:39 PM  
Anonymous leparsell said...

so...when is this page going to get updated?

6:17 PM  
Blogger lia said...

when someone asks me a question :p

8:18 PM  

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