I'm back! AND... I've moved!

so... i realized that i havent blogged in about... oh, four years.

apparently elections make me blog.

SO... come on over to my new blog here!

you may experience my witty analysis of this glorious election season.

sex advice will still be given freely.


love,

theliberalslut

the bay area is fucked

commuting is going to be a bitch.



exiting off the emeryville onramp



580-80 interchange

stage fright

i was just going through my blog from almost 2 years ago and found an unanswered sex question from 2005! for shame. i know its been a long time and hopefully this person has already dealt with this issue long ago, but here goes..

Anonymous said...
Dear L.S.
My erection works just fine when I'm alone but not so much when I have company. And then you're in the crunch and you just want sooo badly for the damn thing to work but it just doesn't and it's just useless. Then you're a man attached to a failed erection right in front of a woman who was kind enough to want to see it in the first place.
Any advice?

dear anonymous,

this is a common enough problem involving putting too much pressure on yourself and thinking too much about "the proble," thus reinforcing the same problem. you think to yourself "ok, keep the erection, keep the erection!" and so the erection fails. it may be that youre a bit of a rebel, and you never want to do what you are "supposed" to... so trying to force an erection is never going to work.

my advice is to just ignore the thing. kiss, make out, do all the fun things. focus on her. if you dont have an erection yet dont worry about it, just keep making out. let it stay in the very bad of your mind and try not to let the thoughts about it take over. if you feel them coming into your mind, start focusing on her soft skin, her hair, her breasts, eyes, whatever. get out of your mind and get into your body. this should help you to truly relax and let yourself be in the experience without focusing too much on whether or not you are going to be "successful." remember, your penis knows what to do. dont try to control it, just let it be, and it will be a happy guy!

relax. remember that when you are alone at home, you are relaxed, and thats when it works. try to recreate that home feeling of comfort and safety. light candles, favorite music, etc. but most of all, stop putting pressure on yourself, because that will definitely not work! its always hard to feel safe and relaxed with a new romantic partner, as well, so maybe when you find yourself in a "relationship," one where you feel comfortable and accepted, this will not occur anymore. in the meantime, just focus on the beautiful woman you have with you, and if that doesnt work, you can always please her in other ways ;)

~ tls

back again

my boyfriend's mom sent this to me and its pretty cool - made me want to post it. so here i am!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

i am under construction right now. please check back again later.

in the meantime, look at pretty pictures below.

cute

zambezi sunset



victoria falls



elephants



monkey at great zimbabwe



very large termite hill

something else entirely

ok, so no one has been asking me for sex advice. cmon people!

in the meantime, here's something fun that happened outside my work today.

link

SAN FRANCISCO - An explosion in a utility chamber under a downtown shopping district critically burned a woman, sent a manhole cover flying and shattered windows at a Polo Ralph Lauren clothing store, authorities said.

Sprinklers doused a flaming awning outside the store as panicked workers were evacuated from skyscrapers, stores and buildings around the Crocker Galleria area, said fire spokesman Peter Howes.

"It sounded like a big poof, then there was a lot of smoke," said Tom Demartini, a construction worker who was sitting in his truck outside the store. He said he heard the explosion and saw the sidewalk rise up six or seven inches.


No utility workers were present when the explosion buckled the sidewalk and shot a manhole cover 25 feet across the street, according to Fire Chief Joanne Hayes-White.

kind of exciting for a friday.

the complicated clit

Q: What if masturbation just doesn't do it for you? I've tried a number of times, but nothing, not even direct clitoral stimulation when I'm turned on does it for me. It's not interesting or pleasurable in the least--it's about as interesting as brushing my teeth, and even if I'm lubricated and very aroused, penetration with a finger isn't really comfortable. I've learned more about my body through masturbation (ie, where the clitoris actually is), but I've never gotten any pleasure out of it.

I've done some sexual experimentation with my boyfriend, basically "dry" sex, which doesn't do much for me either. If I'm turned on, it starts out rather pleasurable and arousing, but I'm nowhere near an orgasm, even if he's touching and sucking my breasts, neck, and ears which are the biggest turn-on for me. By the end I usually start to get a bit sore though and just want it to be over. He really wants to please me, but I don't know how he can. I'm not very experienced--I've been with him for awhile, and he was the first guy I ever kissed. So I don't know exactly what I want or what will be good for me. I'm committed to staying a virgin until marriage, so sex (including oral) is not an option. I'm still not sure about fingering, but I honestly don't know if I *can* have an orgasm.

My boyfriend says he doesn't want to do things if I don't enjoy it too. I feel pretty comfortable with him, and we've talked about it, but I'm still not sure. Rubbing feels better than nothing, even if I don't get a lot of pleasure out of it. I wonder if it may improve with time or if there's something I can do to make it feel better. At the same time, I also worry that nothing sexual (beyond kissing/making out) is ever going to be pleasurable for me.

A: Sorry for the delay; I just got back from Mexico :)

Your problem is not unusual. Many women find direct clitoral stimulation to be uncomfortable or even painful. The clitoris contains somewhere around 8000 nerve fibers (a higher concentration, by far, than anywhere else in the body). The very energetic movements that we tend to associate with sex (the porn style: “do me hard baby”) often come from a male sexual perspective; fast and hard stimulation is often what makes men climax. But there is a whole separate set of rules when you’re talking about the female anatomy. Stimulating all those clitoral nerve fibers too vigorously (like with direct stimulation or “dry-humping”) is very likely to not “do it for you,” and can often be a rather unpleasant experience.

I suggest that you address the matter at hand (pun intended) from an entirely different perspective. Play with the intensity and amount of pressure that you apply. A very light touch can feel completely different than energetic rubbing. Try getting the tip of your finger very wet, and stroking it softly, barely touching, against the very tip of your clitoris. Do this slowly. If it feels uncomfortable, make your touch even lighter, softer, slower, wetter. See what it feels like. Move your finger around the area, on the top, the sides, etc. Indirect pressure can be amazing. Ask your boyfriend to try touching you like this.

And have fun with it! Sometimes if you are concentrating really hard on a goal of “feeling good,” it can take a lot of the pleasure out of sex play. I know that this was the case with me for a long time. Your mind is going: “Ok, this needs to feel good, but it doesn’t feel good, what’s wrong with me? Will I EVER find this pleasurable? Aaagh!” There’s all kinds of pressure, because you want to feel good, and you want to please your boyfriend by making HIM feel like he’s making you feel good, and then it’s just no fun at all. And the more often you experience this frustration, the more your brain finds it to be a chore instead of a treat.

Ask your boyfriend to spend a looong a time stimulating your nipples (and neck, ears, etc) before any clitoral contact is made. Just feel how good that feels. The longer he spends on that, the more lubricated and turned on you will become, making your body more receptive to the joys of clit play.

Something else you can try is tricking your brain by playing little games. Try to resist it feeling good at ALL. Dare your boyfriend to make you moan, and then try as hard as you can to not feel any pleasure, and not make any noises. Or, ask him to tease you, and to tell you that he is NOT going to touch or rub against you down there at all, no matter how much you beg. These kinds of tricks can have the effect of releasing the pressure of trying to achieve something, and then your brain can sit back and let your body just enjoy the sensations. Even if they are just mildly pleasurable feelings at first, once you are able to relax and let the sensations flow through you, you may well find that they start to build.

Another thing you might ask yourself is whether you have any guilt around sex? If you want to wait until marriage for intercourse, do you think that you feel bad when you do any kind of sexual experimentation? I have no idea, so I am just throwing this out there. But guilt can be another major turn off for yourself. If you feel bad about doing it, then how can you enjoy it? If this is the case for you, think about where your guilt lies, work it out in your head, and try to let it go (easier said than done, I know).

So try these little tricks, and I think that you will find that you’ll never be sore from dry-humping again… unless you want to be ;)

risks and benefits

Q: how do you tell a female friend that you really like her without risking the friendship? not quite sex advice, but getting there.

A: it's ok that it's not a "pure" sex question;) i should have made it more clear that all questions are welcome, not just those to do with sex. who doesnt need romantic advice?!

life is short. it's worth it to ask for what you want, especially love. you might not get it... but if you DONT ask, you DEFINITELY wont get it. in this case, as long as you do it diplomatically, i believe the possible benefits far outweigh the risks.

hang out with her. have a great time. watch movies, dinner, whatever. at an appropriate moment (over dinner, or when you're ending the evening, or whenever you feel there is an opening), say something like: "hey, i want to talk to you about something. i have been thinking recently that maybe this friendship could progress to something more. what do you think? it's not a big deal, and either way i will be fine, but i just wanted to put it out there." try to be casual with your words as if its something kinda silly, and just a thought you have been pondering, so that she doesnt get too intimidated. dont express how MUCH you like her, at least not in the initial conversation. that way, if she is not interested, she can tell you so without feeling guilty about hurting your feelings, and the chances are low that the friendship will be sacrificed.

this is a common issue, and definitely a sensitive one. you do NOT want to lose a good friendship, because ultimately, when the shit hits the fan, its your friends who will be there.

MISSION STATEMENT

May 12, 2005

this blog has thus far been devoted to liberal politics. i have gotten many, many comments saying "yeah, yeah, we like the liberal stuff, but where's the damn slut?"

i have not posted in a long time. politics depresses me now. since bush "won" the election in '04, reading the news has become increasingly painful each day. and posting outrageous stories about our fearless leader and his henchmen is no longer funny, it's just sad. and scary. right now, i would rather leave these disturbing topics to the experts, like atrios and kos.

and so, i am changing my blog format to...

A SEX ADVICE BLOG!

(update: go to my new blog at bastet13.blogspot.com for new and improved sex advice)
i am an expert of many things, and sex is definitely one of them (as is no doubt indicated by my blog name). i have been reading a lot of sex advice columns recently, and when i read the answers given, often i think to myself "well shit, i could do better than THAT." and then today i thought "well, dammit, why don't i?"

i have a medical background, and give my female friends women's health advice all the time. i have experience with psychology, and give my friends mental health and relationship advice all the time (i have even earned the title of online psychologist on a board i belong to. and i am a slutty bisexual scorpio, and give my friends advice about sex. all the time.

i am not a judgmental person. partly because i've always been pretty compassionate, and partly because there's very little that surprises or shocks me, because i've done most of it myself. therefore people tend to feel comfortable coming to me with their secrets, stories, fears and problems. i listen and i truly care.

so here it is folks. the official unveiling of my sex advice blog. and i don't even need to change the name.

how it works

you (my loyal readers) can post questions or issues in the comments section of this post, or you can email them to me. i will then post them, along with my advice, here.

if you want to post your questions anonymously, you can absolutely do so. if you email them to me, i will NOT disclose your identity online or anywhere else. this is meant to be a completely confidential forum for people to talk about things that they may not feel comfortable discussing anywhere else.

it's also, of course, meant to be fun ;)

there is no topic too scary for me. no person i cannot relate to. gay, straight, bi, transgendered, polyamorist, sadomasochist... even republican :p all of your questions are welcomed. even if they don't have to do with pure sex. you have some weird bumps "down there" that you're worried about? ask. you hate your current method of birth control and don't know what to do? ask. you're having a little too much fun with drugs, and want to talk about it? ask (trust me, i've been there).

comments from others are also welcome. all i ask is that the comments be respectful and considerate. any derogatory or abusive comments will be promptly deleted.

so c'mon folks. give it to me. i promise, i won't disappoint ;)

another horoscope

watch out

Scorpio

The World Cow Chip Throwing Contest will be held this week in Beaver, Oklahoma. If you've got the time and inclination, I suggest you attend. It would be especially fortuitous if you not only watched the festivities, but also got a chance to compete. One way or another, Scorpio, you're going to have urges to sling dung--either the metaphorical or actual variety--and it would be far better to do it in a setting where such activity is sanctioned. That way, no reputations will be tweaked and no one will get hurt. If you can't make it to Beaver, Oklahoma, you should maybe arrange your own Cow Chip Throwing Contest in the nearest pasture. If you're an urban dweller, it would be worth driving out to the sticks.

quote of the day

"i prefer people's aftertastes." ~ anonymous fatass