Friday, May 13, 2005

risks and benefits

Q: how do you tell a female friend that you really like her without risking the friendship? not quite sex advice, but getting there.

A: it's ok that it's not a "pure" sex question;) i should have made it more clear that all questions are welcome, not just those to do with sex. who doesnt need romantic advice?!

life is short. it's worth it to ask for what you want, especially love. you might not get it... but if you DONT ask, you DEFINITELY wont get it. in this case, as long as you do it diplomatically, i believe the possible benefits far outweigh the risks.

hang out with her. have a great time. watch movies, dinner, whatever. at an appropriate moment (over dinner, or when you're ending the evening, or whenever you feel there is an opening), say something like: "hey, i want to talk to you about something. i have been thinking recently that maybe this friendship could progress to something more. what do you think? it's not a big deal, and either way i will be fine, but i just wanted to put it out there." try to be casual with your words as if its something kinda silly, and just a thought you have been pondering, so that she doesnt get too intimidated. dont express how MUCH you like her, at least not in the initial conversation. that way, if she is not interested, she can tell you so without feeling guilty about hurting your feelings, and the chances are low that the friendship will be sacrificed.

this is a common issue, and definitely a sensitive one. you do NOT want to lose a good friendship, because ultimately, when the shit hits the fan, its your friends who will be there.


May 12, 2005

this blog has thus far been devoted to liberal politics. i have gotten many, many comments saying "yeah, yeah, we like the liberal stuff, but where's the damn slut?"

i have not posted in a long time. politics depresses me now. since bush "won" the election in '04, reading the news has become increasingly painful each day. and posting outrageous stories about our fearless leader and his henchmen is no longer funny, it's just sad. and scary. right now, i would rather leave these disturbing topics to the experts, like atrios and kos.

and so, i am changing my blog format to...


(update: go to my new blog at for new and improved sex advice)
i am an expert of many things, and sex is definitely one of them (as is no doubt indicated by my blog name). i have been reading a lot of sex advice columns recently, and when i read the answers given, often i think to myself "well shit, i could do better than THAT." and then today i thought "well, dammit, why don't i?"

i have a medical background, and give my female friends women's health advice all the time. i have experience with psychology, and give my friends mental health and relationship advice all the time (i have even earned the title of online psychologist on a board i belong to. and i am a slutty bisexual scorpio, and give my friends advice about sex. all the time.

i am not a judgmental person. partly because i've always been pretty compassionate, and partly because there's very little that surprises or shocks me, because i've done most of it myself. therefore people tend to feel comfortable coming to me with their secrets, stories, fears and problems. i listen and i truly care.

so here it is folks. the official unveiling of my sex advice blog. and i don't even need to change the name.

how it works

you (my loyal readers) can post questions or issues in the comments section of this post, or you can email them to me. i will then post them, along with my advice, here.

if you want to post your questions anonymously, you can absolutely do so. if you email them to me, i will NOT disclose your identity online or anywhere else. this is meant to be a completely confidential forum for people to talk about things that they may not feel comfortable discussing anywhere else.

it's also, of course, meant to be fun ;)

there is no topic too scary for me. no person i cannot relate to. gay, straight, bi, transgendered, polyamorist, sadomasochist... even republican :p all of your questions are welcomed. even if they don't have to do with pure sex. you have some weird bumps "down there" that you're worried about? ask. you hate your current method of birth control and don't know what to do? ask. you're having a little too much fun with drugs, and want to talk about it? ask (trust me, i've been there).

comments from others are also welcome. all i ask is that the comments be respectful and considerate. any derogatory or abusive comments will be promptly deleted.

so c'mon folks. give it to me. i promise, i won't disappoint ;)